Broken Ankle Week 5
The struggle is real
- Continuing aches here and there in ankle and stinging incision pain.
- Every morning I wake up and realize I am temporarily disabled and feel existential despair. I give myself time to feel all the feelings, motivate myself to get out of bed and rally for the day, and then usually my ankle swells and toes turn purple when I stand up. Then I sit and hold my crutches and cry.
- The mental health toll that this injury and surgery takes is so real.
- In a few days I’m getting a made to fade (over a year) tattoo, on my leg above my injured ankle, at Ephemeral. The tattoo will be the date of the injury with a heart. My hope is that the injury date will fade as my ankle heals and gets stronger (and remind me I am getting better). The heart is to remind me to practice self-compassion and be patient.
- Today, 4 weeks and 2 days after surgery, I had my first morning without ankle swelling and toes turning purple when I stood up. I appreciate these tiny bits of progress.
- Daily I go up and down one flight of stairs (sit on stairs, hold onto handrail with one hand, other hand + leg to push up, or balance going down). Sitting and going down the stairs has started bringing back the memory of the 1–2 second terrifying slide down the stairs that caused all of this. Sometimes I sit in the middle of the stairs and just breathe.
- In 2 weeks physical therapy is planned to start. I’m going to a familiar PT office 0.3 miles (1/2 km) from my house. I’m planning to try and see if I can crutch or knee scooter 1/2 km. Probably not since there are hills and curbs. I’ll probably use a rideshare service to go the short distance.
- Since I’m mostly almost always at home I’ve trying out wearing Birkenstock Boston on my weight-bearing foot instead of a running shoe. The running shoe requires tedious lace tying/untying that was starting to annoy me and the Birkenstock is easily slipped on/off.
- I’m dreaming of what I might be able to do within a few months: stand up and take a shower, go on a hike with my wife, get up to the 3rd floor in our house to the bed that I miss, be more of a help around the house with laundry and cleaning and meals, and take the subway again to go to office (WFH is lonely for me).